Women who are the “get it done” types often feel like asking for help is the last thing they want to do. You are experts at keeping everything in order, thanks to a few common thoughts: “No one can do it as well as I can” and “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.” Everyone else is just as stressed out as you are is what you tell yourself.
In the meantime, your inbox shows just how easy it is for other people to ask for things. You may notice people are always asking for things, but you don’t want to send your own request. A lot of us who are go-getters will even say, “I’ve got this,” when someone offers to help. But is that strong independence really helping you now?
“I’ve Got This” Is a Double-Edged Sword
At one point, your “I’ve got this” attitude was probably a superpower. It was a way to stay alive when you had to be the one in charge during tough times. It helped you when you couldn’t trust other people, when it wasn’t safe, or when it wasn’t even possible. You still have that self-reliance that gave you strength and skills.
But what happens if you use a survival tool long after the emergency is over? It starts to hurt things. That instinct to protect you is now a big source of stress for you. It’s what keeps you up at night, makes you clench your jaw, and gives you stomach knots that won’t go away. It’s the anger that lies just beneath the surface of someone cutting you off in traffic.
Ending the Cycle of Dependence
It’s not sustainable to keep up with the constant pressure to do everything yourself. You weren’t meant to take on all the responsibilities by yourself. When you keep giving away more energy than you take in, you start to lose touch with your purpose, your happiness, and even yourself. This is a common place for anxiety and depression to sneak in.
There is, however, another way to live and work. It means making a conscious choice to let go of the old patterns that don’t help you anymore.
What would it be like if you let help in? What if you gave that job you hate to someone else? You don’t have to be the only one in charge of getting ready for the meeting or looking over the report.You say you “don’t have time” to train a virtual assistant, but that little bit of time could save you a lot of time in the future.
Giving up the need to control every outcome is a big step toward living a more balanced life. It’s about having faith in other people and getting some responsibilities off your back.
You Deserve Help: How to Ask for It
Accepting help doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you’re strong and want to protect yourself. You need it before something really important falls apart, like your health, your mental clarity, or your relationships. People who care about you want to help, but they can’t if you don’t let them.
You don’t have to make a huge change all at once if you want to break this cycle. It starts with small, planned steps.
Today, think about three things:
Let help in. When someone offers to take something off your plate, all you have to do is say “thank you” and let them.
Get help. Find something small that you can give to someone else to do today. It could be at work or at home. Asking is like a muscle that gets stronger the more you do it.
Finally, take a break. Let yourself take a step back and trust that the world won’t fall apart if you aren’t holding it up. Have faith that you are not alone.
You were meant for more than a life full of tension and worry. The first step to getting your energy, purpose, and peace back is to let go of the survival pattern of having to do everything yourself. If your inner critic is yelling “But…” right now, it’s time to get over your fear and pick a new path. You deserve it.
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